WolfCop (2014) – …Need I Say More?

Turn your chairs backwards, because I’m about to level with you all. Maybe this will come as a surprise, maybe it won’t, but either way, here it goes: I don’t really gravitate towards ‘bad’ movies. Now, I’m sure that when I put quotation marks around that word, you all know I mean those films that are intentionally horrendous and ridiculous pieces of trash. They’re the sort of thing that I hear about, watch the trailers for, and then I’m done with them. It’s not that I don’t enjoy watching these sort of films from time to time, I would just rather spend an hour and a half of my life watching something more meaningful.

When I started writing reviews again earlier this summer, I decided that taking requests would be a fun thing to do – and who else does that? As soon as I put that idea out there, I fully expected that I would get nothing but umpteen requests to review ‘bad’ films like Sharknado and Zombeavers – although perhaps now that I’ve just written this sentence, I will get more. To my surprise, it took a couple of months to get my first request for such a movie. Thanks to my friend Spencer ‘Don’t Worry About It’ Small – yeah that’s right Spencer; I just called you out – I give to you a review of WolfCop, whose name pretty much speaks for itself.

How does one even begin writing reviews for films like this? I guess the best way to start is to explain a typically bare bones plot that, in the grand scheme of things, little to no one will care about while watching. WolfCop takes place in a crime-riddled small town with a universally mocked and severely under-staffed sheriff’s department. Unfortunately for this town, one of its primary peacekeepers is Lou Garou, an alcoholic deputy whose biggest concern is when his next drink will be rather than cleaning up crime. But after a strange night when a cult kidnaps him and performs some rituals, he discovers his new powers to transform into a werewolf and decides to put them to good use.

Seriously, if the title alone has not sold you yet, then that plot has to have done something. Like all other intentionally bad films, WolfCop very often gleefully embraces the ridiculous and illogical, as our werewolf protagonist stalks the night by ripping the limbs and faces off of the town’s criminal element. From the dialogue to the cheesy, yet awesome practical effects, this film has ‘camp’ written all over it and makes itself perfectly clear, as if to say “We are aiming for cult classic status.” Perhaps the filmmakers do not always hit the mark, but more than a few scenes are certainly on target.

To be quite honest, it takes a little while for the film to get the pistons churning, but once it gets past those slower moments, boy are you in for one hell of a ride. WolfCop does not even try to hide its low-budget character, and in fact embraces it at every turn. The transformation sequences could never be on par with those in An American Werewolf in London – it would be incredibly unfair to expect that – and while they do contribute to the cheesiness, they are worth every wonderful second and every cough after cheering your lungs out. On top of that, the film makes all of the inane and asinine plot twists that you could hope for.

If you’re looking for a good party movie, look no further than WolfCop. Sure, it can be fairly slow at times, but it is so hilariously made up for with every drop of blood that sprays and splashes across the screen. Now we’ve gotten to part when I wind the review down, make a few comments somehow related to the film and put a score down at the bottom. But to be completely honest, WolfCop feels like one of those movies that completely defy a rating. If I had to give it a score, I’d give it a solid 3.5 out of 5, but seriously, quit wasting your time and get on this movie. Be sure to invite your friends because this movie must be experienced.

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